Poor, RippedOff Glorfindel?
by Cheez Socks
Summary: Glorfindel explains why exactly he did not appear in the movies. Guest appearances by a few of everyone's favourite Imladris elves. Hopefully it's worth a laugh. Come on... laugh, darn it!


**Poor, Ripped-Off Glorfindel?**

Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings.

Hey guys, I'm back, and with another lovely one shot. If you haven't read any of my other stuff, it's mostly all parody, and mostly all The Lord of the Rings, I do have one (very old and abandoned) InuYasha fic, and one The Ring/Ring 2 fic (which is a parody one shot). Anyways, please enjoy this. As always, I do appreciate your feedback!

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_We've sent a camera into Middle-earth to for once and for all clear up the confusion surrounding why exactly Glorfindel was written out of the movies. Here's what everyone has to say…_

"Hello," says a dark-haired elf. She would have looked rather stunning, were it not for the frown on her face. "My name is Arwen, and I have some confusion to clear up.

"I have heard that many of you are angry with me for riding out to save the Ring bearer in stead of Lord Glorfindel. Now, I have been told things such as: 'he does it in the books!' and 'he should have been in the movie'. I have also received many much ruder comments that I will not repeat.

"What many of you don't know is that _he_ asked _me_ to go. I'm not positive why, but I am sure that he will explain it to you."

We next see an elf sitting calmly, for a short moment. He is quickly pushed out of the way by two darker-haired elves. They begin waving at the camera.

"Get out of here!" says the first, trying to push them away.

"Oh be quiet, Glorfindel," one says. "We aren't doing anything wrong."

"For once…" Glorfindel mutters.

"Elladan! Elrohir!" comes a shout from off-screen. The two intruders freeze, and then run off.

"Well… I think I may start." Glorfindel says, brushing himself off. He clears his throat and begins. "A while ago, some strange men came here, claiming to be documenting the journey of the Fellowship. We told them it was too bad, seeing as it has finished years ago.

"They decided they were going to re-create it, for many people to see. They told us all that we would be famous, and everyone would know our faces. I politely declined, deciding that I would rather _not_ have a world of people I did not know knowing who I was.

"They protested, insisting that for sure I would enjoy this chance to be famous and well-known. I said that anyone who needed to know me already did.

"Then something very strange happened. Erestor, Lord Elrond's chief counsellor (whom I rarely see eye-to-eye with) agreed with me. Well, not exactly, he apparently had too much work piling up, and did not have the time to spend it all performing for a bunch of strangers.

"It's not like he played that important a part… His idea was shot down." Glorfindel mutters.

"I heard that!" comes another voice from off-screen.

"Yes, yes," Glorfindel says, waving a hand. "Now why don't you get back to that paperwork?

"As I was saying, I declined the role, as did Erestor. Elladan and Elrohir were banned from the site because of some… incidents." Glorfindel holds up a photograph of the crew of The Lord of the Rings covered in porridge. "This came from a little black box they had, but it is truly what they looked like.

"So, they decided that, since four of us would be missing, they needed to fill some seats. We were all replaced my random elves, literally picked off the streets the day of the 'shoot', as they called it. I myself was replaced my some annoying young elf, who appeared to be even more stuck-up than Erestor."

"I heard _that_, too… but I have to agree." Comes the voice that we've already deducted to be that of Erestor.

"Yes, well, I believe his name was Figsit… or something along those lines. Anyways, it was completely ridiculous, but I will not insult whatever… creative person gave it to him. I am told the public of whatever world it was that saw this re-creation simply loves him.

"But I fear I am running short on time and must begin to wrap this up. Only after hiring him, did they learn that Fig-whatever could not ride a horse. I believe this is because he is very spoiled and has lead a very sheltered life, but do not tell anyone I said so.

"Arwen came to me a little while later, and asked if she could go in my place. I thought it rather rude and unfair that her and Estel (or whatever name he's going by now) were being separated for so long. But he had agreed to this re-creation, and would be away for quite a while, and I was sure Arwen would appreciate any time she could get with him, even if it was only a short moment. So, I agreed to let her go, so long as she had her father's permission.

"And that, my friends, is why I am not in this re-creation of the journey of the Fellowship. And now that it is over, I am rather glad I wasn't!" Glorfindel is nearly shouting now, to be heard over the noise of many approaching footsteps and screaming.

A brown-haired elf runs by, shouting for help. There isn't time to take note of any of his other features, as he seemed to be fleeing for his life. A moment later, a horde of girls run by, chasing after him and yelling declarations of love and admiration for 'Figgie'.

"Besides," Glorfindel says with a small grin. "Fig-whatever says that fan girls are worse than a Nazgûl."

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I know, short… but I like it. Happy birthday to One Mixed Up Mary-Sue, which has finally reached 20 chapters! W00T! Suddenly, the author is killed by the grammar gods. Remember kids, a zero is not a number… and neither is a two, four, five or a one, or a three or a seven—just, stop it with the numbers.


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